quiet wishes

Sometimes I think I’m meant to be alone, living in a place like this.

The weather can be my right hand for the storms raging in my mind. Book shelves line the walls, full of weathered bindings, thick with the scent of dust and forgotten knowledge. Carefully thought and placed curiosities barter for room along with the stray unique haphazard find.

It is not completely off the grid, but just enough so when I want it to be. Flowers and gardens when the weather is nice. Rain boots on the covered porch. An old rocking chair creaking with a visitor no longer is this world. Fireplace for aesthetics, and the smell of a tree’s final energy. Feet curled up beneath me on a comfortably oversized chair, a colorful thick blanket half kicked off. Projects of every sort in scattered organization. A stripped acoustic guitar waiting new struts on the work bench. A sign asking for the final rub of seal, waiting to announce to passerby where they are. A basket of mismatched fabric and jeans taunt the needle and bobbin.

Rain beats a steady drum on the metal roof and drips into makeshift cistern cymbals. The stiff wind that slaps the water against the rocks makes no entry against the rough hewn timber. The only other noises come from the slumbering dog, the crackle of a hardwood fire, a muted playlist, my own breaths, and the lids of my eyes losing their battle to stay open. It is my peace, my calm, and my most secret, quietest wish of my own.

Grandmothers & Apples

“It is remarkable how closely the history of the apple tree is connected with that of man.”
― Henry David Thoreau

I’ve been meaning to write a few different blog posts in the past few weeks, but today this one grabbed me by the figurative balls. This is one of those writing that screamed at me to sit down and write.

Today is one of those days that bring a hint of fall, and with that the feeling of melancholy and nostalgia. It’s in the low 60s, cloudy, cool, damp, and grey. The kind of day where you need some sort of comfort food.

Today, that food is apple crisp. (Mostly prompted by the fact that I had a bunch of apples that needed to be used soon.

I had two grandmothers (as most people do), both very different.

My mom’s mother was Grandma and my dad’s mother was Granny.

Grandma and I were extremely close. I spent an incredible amount of time at her house, She was patient, she was kind. She was a beautiful woman that has part of her soul in mine. She was German and Polish and an amazing cook that could whip up a feast at the drop of a pin and made it seem so so easy. Holidays were spent at her house and no one left without feeling uncomfortably full. Food always brought the family together, and just about every woman in the family has an inherent feel for cooking.

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I only have a few pictures of my Grandma on my computer. I swear she looks like Queen Elizabeth II.

Grandma passed away when I was seventeen, between my junior and senior year in high school. She wanted to pass at home, and that’s what we did for her. My mom, aunt’s, my cousin, my dad, and I all took shifts caring for her. As hard as it was for us to watch, we took care of her every minute in her last weeks on this Earth, bathing, cleaning, and doing the dirty jobs that come with an eventual death. I wouldn’t give up that experience for anything. There were so many tears, but so many laughs and memories made. Her funeral of course was sad, but joyous knowing she was again with my grandfather and family, probably having one hell of a party. At the cemetery we toasted with champagne and poured an entire bottle over the turned dirt for her and my grandfather. Maybe odd, but so fitting for our family.

I inherited the vast majority of her dishes, cooking ware, etc. Some items I’ve had to replace over the past few years out of necessity, and I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt throwing the items in the trash. Then I know exactly The Look she would have given me and exactly what she would have said, (something along the lines of “Don’t be foolish. Get something brand spankin’ new and nice for yourself. You deserve it.”) and probably would have smacked me on the arm.

The first Thanksgiving I cooked after I moved to NE, I was (unfoundedly) nervous. It was my first “big traditional meal” that I was going to prepare, and I wanted to do it justice. I had gotten up way early that morning and I remember standing in the kitchen thinking of all the stuff I needed to do. All of a sudden I felt totally calm (Matt might not have agreed) and I swear our house smelled like her house, and I knew that she was there. And that Thanksgiving went off without a hitch.

I miss her now more than I did after she had passed. She would have loved my husband and their cheeky humor together would have been an absolute riot.

Granny on the other hand, brings back different memories. She was French-Canadian and Belgian and grew up speaking French at home. She could have been a model in her younger years, and that beauty masked a very hard and poor life growing up.

The smell of wood smoke and fall remind me the most of her. Growing up, her property was where the family gardens were and I remember planting and hoeing rows of cucumbers, squash, pumpkins, corn, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, and whatever else that ended up getting planted that year. One row that was always planted without fail was a line of gladiola flowers for my aunt Susie. They of course were the first to bloom and I remember running down the hill each spring to smell them and knowing that the rest of the garden was on it’s way out of the ground.

Her land, my parent’s land, and my aunt and uncle’s land created one giant property that provided for a series of deer hunting towers and blinds built by my uncle, a refuge for wildlife, and the best fort building material that a kid could ask for.

There was a beautiful ancient red maple tree in the front yard that during the summer provided an immense amount of shade for parking, sitting and playing under, etc. It served as second base for kickball and softball games, and during the fall was the most gorgeous tree on the road. Sadly, a few weeks ago the age and weight of the tree became too much for it, and one of the large limbs fell across the road and split the tree. The REA/power company came out and cut it down before any more damage would happen. My mom sent me pictures when they were cutting it down, and part of myself felt like it was being cut along with it. The yard looks empty and bare now, and I’m dreading driving past when I return home for Christmas.

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The Tree. Photo credit actually goes out to my mom a few years back on this one. Later on this year after the bottom of the trunk is exposed, my dad plans to count the rings.

On the property there were apple trees, six of them that I remember. The type of apple trees that were so old and big that they drooped with age and apples. The apples themselves were so tart that you could hardly stand to just eat them by themselves, but they made excellent pie apple and stored well in the cellar. What I wouldn’t give now to have one of those trees nearby.

Granny, to put it politely, was not known for her cooking skills. The whole family knew it, and it’s been a butt of jokes. One of the things she could make though was her apple pie.

She made it the old fashioned way, with the left over bacon grease and lard. Enough of it to make a cardiologist have a heart attack on sight. Those tart apples got sweeter and held up the crisp inside of the pie like nothing else.

Granny sadly passed away only a few years ago from Alzheimer’s. I was able to drive back home for the funeral in between wheat and fall harvest, and even though I was told by my family that I didn’t have to, I’m glad that I did. Granny and I weren’t close, but a smell of a wood fire brings me back to her house in a heart beat.

So today, in my nostalgic mood, I bring you apple crisp.

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pretty apples!

Grandma’s Recipe for Apple Crisp
1 tsp. salt
1 c. flour
1 c. uncooked quick oats
2 c. sugar
1 tsp cinnamon (or apple pie spice)
1 stick butter

Butter the bottom and sides of a 9×12 baking dish. Slice or dice apples to cover the whole bottom of the pan, plus a little bit more. The firmer/crisper the apple, the better. (For this instance, I just used a hodge podge of apples that I already had, including Granny Smith, Gala, and Braeburn.)

Mix all dry ingredients in a bowl and sprinkle over the apples in an even layer.

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mmm butter.

Take the stick of butter and thinly slice and layer over the dry mix.

Bake at 350F for approx. 35 minutes or so, until the apples are tender and the top is golden brown. (You may want to check for dry spots on top and add a bit more butter in those places).

I also sprinkle some coarse sugar over the top.

And of course, vanilla ice cream.
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No bacon unfortunately was used in the making of this recipe, and the edges were a bit more done than I’d have liked them to be. (I’ll blame it on getting used to a new oven…yeah, I’ll go with that.)

As this blog suggests, I’m cooking something and that means that we’re home- for a little while. I’ll catch up on our exodus from North Dakota, getting back home, our weekend visitors, and the Grapes of Wrath soon.

Good Bye, Dacoma.

This blog post was orginally written and posted for HarvestHER on June 14, 2016.  HarvestHER is an online community formed by women for women who work within the custom harvest world. Custom harvest is a small part within the agricultural community, and women are even a smaller percentage. HarvestHER focuses on these women’s stories. Without the women behind the scenes, harvest would run a lot less smoothly. Some are harvest wives, some are owners of the company with their husbands, and a few like me are paid employees from a non-family related company. We are the backbone. Stay tuned for more of my posts on HarvestHER and some potential big updates from them.

Hello Dodge City, and Ford KS.

I have never been in and out of Dacoma and the surrounding area that quick. 15 thousand acres and 8 days of cutting- no rain or anything. We got there and kicked it’s butt.

Friday we were still up in Kiowa cutting on a section and a half. I spent a lot of the day running around and picking up parts and paying bills in Alva. We got our first shipment of mail from back home which is always exciting. Matt finally got a new phone which is fantastic- now you can actually hear him. AND he (stubbornly) graduated from a flip phone to a smart phone.

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Alva, OK- if you drive around there are a ton of murals painted on the side of buildings. This one is by far my favorite. The shadow work is spot on. The two men painting? They’re painted themselves.

Saturday morning we got the guys going again, and then went into Kiowa for a quick meeting. While we were there we picked up a couple pizzas for everyone’s lunch. I fed everyone else first, then at about noon we moved from Kiowa back to Dacoma and started on our last few quarters. Although the move wasn’t bad at all, it took forever. We pulled three headers back to Dacoma, waited for three combines to get there, hooked them up, and then went back for the shop truck, last combine, and last header. It took almost three hours by the time everything was said and done. Then I finally got to eat my cold pizza. Still tasty. Our friend John was around again for most of Saturday and into Sunday. Saturday night he brought me out a large caramel frappe from McDonald’s. Total win for me. It’s little things as simple as a frozen coffee drink at 8pm that make your day. Also: drop off laundry service- might have to cough up the dough but so worth it. I don’t have time or energy to do laundry half the time.

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The ditches are filled with wildflowers this time of year.

Sunday we wiped out the last of our job in Dacoma and loaded the heads and blew off the combines a bit for our next move. Got back to our hotel after grabbing Taco Mayo, and then sorted out and organized probably 100+ tickets for our customer. I got to bed before 1130- it was awesome.

Monday morning it had rained in Alva, but our crew was moving to Dodge City anyways. We road the combines and tractors from Dacoma to our job in Ford KS. Some of the guys kind of get annoyed by the 6 hour drive, but by the time you load four combines and two tractors and carts, chain them down, and drive them to Ford, it’s just quicker and easier to road all the equipment.

We also dropped off a couple cases of beer to the guys (also gave the woman a pack of bottled margaritas) at the Dacoma Co-op. They’re so good to us and are willing to help with anything that we need. A couple cases of beer is nowhere near enough thanks, (especially cause I grabbed dinner there a few times, got snacks pretty much whenever, and tend to just sit and loiter), but you can still convey a lot of appreciation from a few cold ones.

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Dumping wheat into a pit. Dust and boring.

Got our combines on the road, and two pickups pulling heads left with them and guided them on the less traveled back roads to get to Ford. Matt stayed behind with the shop truck to refill the fuel trailer’s DEF tank, and I took off by myself with a head and went right to Ford. Dropped the trailer there, set up our regular charge accounts at a few places, went into Dodge City, checked into all of the rooms, and then ditched the pickup load of luggage into our room. Drove back to Ford where Matt was just pulling in. We went into the office for our field maps and chatted with the office people a bit. The combines were getting close, so we waited in the pickup instead of driving around. I totally fell asleep. Hard. Never heard the combines pull in next to us, etc. I woke up by five guys crawling inside of the pickup. It had rained in Ford Sunday night/Monday morning and the wheat isn’t completely quite there yet, so we headed into Dodge at about 430. Matt and I brougth them to Montana Mike’s which was our first “real” meal since leaving on harvest. After getting back to the hotel and unpacking a bit, we sat in the hot tub for awhile, and went to bed early. I even slept in this morning until 7. After a good night’s sleep and a hot meal, I feel fantastic.

We had a pretty good storm last night and got about half an inch of rain everywhere. We’re letting the guys sleep in while we figure out our game plan for the next few days. Six more of our combines and two more grain carts will get here by the end of the week, which means I’ll most likely be bouncing from Ford back to Dacoma a few times to help move headers.

Now, off for a real breakfast.

Luggage.

We leave in two days and with that comes the packing of two suitcases.

My faithful JEEP luggage from the past few years finally gave up it’s good fight this March when packing to come home from the wedding. I replaced it with a duffel/suitcase/wheeled cross from Samsonite. I like it so far, but the true test will be surviving this summer. It does look pretty snazzy though.

I also upgraded my camera bag. I splurged a little bit (actually, found a great deal on Amazon) on a Lowepro backpack that has a compartment for not only my camera, but for my laptop too, and comes with numerous side pockets and compartments for cords (and in my case, a pharmacy of Exedrin, Aleve, allergy pills, and prescription meds. oh, and snacks. lots of snacks.)

Maybe it’s the military brat that still lingers somewhere deep inside, but I tend to have to try not laugh at the people who agonize over what to pack for a long weekend vacation.

Each of our suitcases holds enough clothing to last two weeks without a laundry day. Enough toiletry items to last the majority of the summer.  And yes, the suitcases close.

In two days they’ll get dragged around the country. Bounce in the back of pickups. Get covered in dust. Get rained on. Get stepped on. Get thrown around haphazardly. Get dropped on the floor of yet another hotel.

If luggage could talk, what would they say? Ours see so much of the world that I can’t help but wonder.

But this, of course, is just a boring post prompted by procrastinating on a to-do list half a mile long.

 

Sometimes, there’s something.

Sometimes you need a hobby. Sometimes you need a leap of faith. Sometimes you just get an idea stuck in your head.

And sometimes that all just comes together to finally bite the big one, suck it up, and create the real blog you’ve been wanting to make for years.

So, here’s my something.